There’s a major problem with writing something a trendspotting piece. There are two major problems, really. Well, wait one second, there’s a third problem. Let’s stop with three. The first two problems attribute the downfall of the list to my inaccuracy. The first, and most embarrassing, problem is that I’m wrong because I’m out of touch and I’m not cool. This is the least likely outcome because I refuse to not be a little cool. I am desperately clinging on to any shred of youth culture that I have left in my body. The second is that I’m wrong because I’m not creative or stupid enough to come up with what will actually happen. Sometimes I’m not in on the technological breakthrough that makes something cool happen (Rare) or I’m naive to the depths of corporate greed and how bloodthirsty a company can be for our money (Pretty common). The last problem is a problem in a cosmic sense. That problem is that I may be right. Being right sucks. There’s no magic in the outside world, no space to be proven wrong by thinking outside of the box It could also mean that I shifted from trendspotter to trendsetter but I’m not sure that’s the case. With all of that being said, hi and welcome to Jackass.
A REMINDER: The coolest thing to be is yourself :). The second-coolest thing is to be nice :). The third-coolest thing is whatever I’m doing. Here’s a quick list of things that are In/Out/Trending in 2023
It’s Over (this isn’t happening)
Pop-punk
Pop-Punk is dead and you don’t have to worry about it any longer. The pop-punk resurgence spearheaded by UMG (Olivia Rodrigo, Machine Gun Kelly) was a flash in the pan that had gasoline poured on it by the pandemic. It was a general yearning by adults who were unable to cope with the new reality of coronavirus to “go back to the old days” when “things were more simple.” The When We Were Young festival was announced in January of 2022, hot on the heels of a return to live music. Trading in nostalgia is not uncommon but it hadn’t targeted Hot Topic crowd millennials like this before. The festival is called “When We Were Young,” for Christ’s sakes. Yes, it’s a play on a Killers song, but it’s also literally calling the performers and the audience Old. In a moment of reality being a little too obvious, the first day of the festival was canceled due to high winds. An emergency of the climate variety is getting in the way of your wish to relive your childhood. I don’t blame anyone for liking music from their adolescence but the further we get from this one, it’s apparent that the whole “pop-punk revival” had no footing in reality. Nobody asked for new music that sounded like Blink-182, they wanted new Blink-182. No judgment. We all want things that are bad for us and for the environment. I want to drive a big, loud 2000s BMW with a straight-piped exhaust that will make me go deaf after driving it daily for five years. I want to eat a Popeye’s chicken sandwich every single day of my life. Some people just want power chords and dick jokes, but they want LEGACY power chords and dick jokes.
CDs
Thrifting clothing is trickling into every facet of life. This is a good thing, I think. There’s really just too much shit on earth to not reuse a lot of it. Sometimes you find something cool in the Goodwill bins and you think that everyone should join you in scouring the bins for more cool things, or you say “That’s cool, I should make a new version of the old thing.” Thrifting CDs is a harmless pursuit but I’m hearing people say things like “We should start a CD label.” Nobody who wants to produce more plastic and put it in your home has your best interests in mind. This is a hiss-less repackaging of tape labels. It’s all of the fun of the ‘90s without the quirk of J-Cards. What’s romantic about a laser reading data and playing it for you? What’s intimate about reading anything on a seven-segment LED? Not a damn thing. Skip CDs. Buy the mp3s on Bandcamp and call it a day. If you’re in a band and think that a CD would be a cool and cost-effective way to have a physical release: It Would Not Be Cool, Actually.
We’re Back (This Is Happening)
Music to “Dance” To
The rise of indie sleaze means that we’re on the precipice of an attempt at a dance punk revival. This is not a joke. The tide is coming and you have to hope we’re trending more Silent Alarm than something insipid like that one Black Kids record. I don’t remember the name. I’m seeing a lot of French words and neon primary colors in our future. This trend is pretty far ahead of schedule, to be frank. I think this is sorta relying on a certain kind of person (monied midwesterner who didn’t do this whole thing the first time around [LCD Soundsystem-loving AMEX holder]) to want to hear New Music but I think the market is prime for it. I’m imagining more guys in leather jackets and blue jeans but maybe both have more volume this time around to be on-trend. This is not music to dance to. This is background music for a new, lighter, more refreshing beer with all of the taste and 20% of the calories. This is music for your friend’s new video lookbook for his streetwear brand. Regardless: someone is going to try to sell you on this. Make a good decision.
Hardcore In Non-Hardcore Places
Turnstile’s Taco Bell commercial was stage one. As noted in Listen Up, Nerds Vol 1, we are cheering for people to “Get a bag.” Nobody is a sellout for art anymore. They’re all justified in that corporate endorsements and song licensing is the only way to get any money and make viable art. The value of your self-expression is nothing without a little number next to it to tell me how valuable that expression should be to me. And now that we’ve all agreed that art should be financed by bigger and more solvent entities, I’d like to give a big thanks to 2023’s sponsors of the Listen Up, Nerds Newsletter: NORTHROP GRUMMAN AND RAYTHEON.
I Would Like To See It (wishful thinking)
Music videos
Throughout the 2010s, shooting a music video became a dying art. Visual treatments were stripped down to bare bones lyric slideshows over a dynamic background. Low effort reaped higher rewards. Why try? But while this was happening, being a director was getting easier and easier. If you owned a camera and knew a place in town with a cool backdrop, then congratulations and welcome to SAG! Being the Homie With A Camera was good enough for you to be the Spike Jonze of the scene. Several people went the journalism route and started their own Hate5Six-esque youtube channels (complete with area code-based hardcore puns). Now, I think we’ll see more creative endeavors. The cheaper and more accessible that video tech gets, the closer we are to a reality with DIY MTV. This is the future I’ve always wanted to live in.
Guitar Music To Dance To
If there’s one thing i’ve learned from watching years of hardcore music, it’s that people want to move. Turnstile is the biggest band in this realm because they know this to be true. The only thing that people don’t like is having a bad time. Dance is liberation. Dance is expression. Sometimes that expression is running around in a circle or jumping off of a stage. We’re about 15 years removed from that first big Trash Talk record. We’re definitely 20 years removed from the height of Pro-Core. Giving +/-2 years for the pandemic, we’re right on schedule for heavy music where the goal is to Dance. More 2-Stepping, more pit karate, more of all of it.
Skramz
PLEASE DUDE I AM BEGGING YOU. I AM BEGGING SOMEONE TO GET ANGULAR AND YELL INTO A MIC ABOUT LOVE AND HEARTACHE. I NEED TO FEEL. I NEED THIS. COMADRE’S FINAL RECORD WAS A DECADE AGO. TUMBLR DOESN’T EVEN EXIST IN THE SAME WAY IT ONCE DID. I NEED THIS. IT’S SO HARD FOR ME TO GET EXCITED ABOUT TIKTOK DANCES OR A BEYONCE RECORD OR SOME BLAND AND GREY REPACKAGING OF MY YOUTH SOLD TO ME AT A PREMIUM BASED ON THE INFLATION OF THE DOLLAR COMBINED WITH THE PRICE OF A BARREL OF OIL. I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M OLD I’M
Really enjoy the lyrics you posted from that skramz song. What band is that? I want to chant “I’m old!” and would love to give that song a spin
great article as always jay, but i am going to come kick your ass about what you said about cds